Second Week of December: The Healing Power of Darkness
copyright (r) 2007 Lynn Woodland
Light is an oft-used metaphor for all things wise and wonderful. We “see the light,” “find light at the end of a tunnel” and a “silver lining around every dark cloud,” and in these lessons much attention is given to the light. Yet we’re in a time of year when it’s hard to deny the presence of darkness, with its opposite connotations of fearfulness, depression, ignorance, and death. By winter, unlike fall, at least the light increases a little each day, so, while light may still seem depressingly absent, there’s a hopefulness inspired by the solstice’s rebirth. So what are we to do in these deepest last days of fall that keep taking us into greater and greater night?
People of not so many generations back used to sleep more this time of year. Not us. We turn on the lights and carry on, adjusting our schedules very little in response to the outer world. We may tend to do the same with our spiritual work, giving credit for all things good to the light and simply ignoring the power of dark. Of course, whatever we ignore has a way of sneaking up from behind and tripping us when we’re not looking.
This is certainly true of those aspects of self that we don’t like; the ones we keep hidden in the dark nether regions of our being because they’re too painful, too shameful or too imperfect to admit to ourselves, let alone to other people. Much of our work in the last quarter was aimed at clearing away what’s no longer needed and facing these dark, murky aspects of self so they no longer have power over us.
This work, though it may not inspire the exuberance and delight of springtime beginnings and summer rewards, prepares the way for a miracle within that, once we have it, is all we need. This time of year there are great waves of spiritual energy available, capable of lifting us to a place of wonder and joy. But, in the same way an ocean wave will tumble and pummel anyone who braces against it instead of rising to meet it, this season leaves many people in a funk.
Much pain is created simply through our struggle to resist the things we fear. As we give up the struggle, pain loses its power to control us; it even ceases to be pain at all and just becomes experience. Ultimately, it transforms into strength instead of burden. Stephen Levine, who is well known for his work with the dying, has a series of pain meditations in his excellent book, Who Dies? on just this. They take the listener deeply into the every sensation of pain as a way through it, and create a relaxed state of surrender in the face of what we more instinctively resist. Here’s a small sampling from these powerful meditations:
“Let the flesh soften, so that nothing holds on to the pain.
Ligaments soften. Muscles soften.
Don’t push the pain away. Just let it be there.
Allow the body to soften all about it. To open.
Let it just be as it is.
Don’t hold it. Don’t resist. Just open softness.
Let the pain be felt in the body.
Let the sensation be felt in the vastness of awareness.”
The work of the last season took us through the most challenging steps of letting go—the “heavy lifting,” so to speak. This week is the final relaxation into darkness that allows healing and readies us to be transported by the wave of Divine Love that comes with the winter solstice. This last step enables us to rise to meet the returning light without carrying the undigested past with us, so we can create something new and wonderful in the coming year instead of repeating old patterns.
Question for Thought: Identifying “Points of Darkness”
Do some reflecting on the last year of your life. What are the stand-out “points of darkness” you experienced this year? The very worst of times, the biggest catastrophes, the deepest despair, the times you most want to forget ever happened? You might find it helpful to do this in writing.
Exercise I: Healing through Darkness
Do the following meditation when you have some uninterrupted private time. This is a meditation best done in the dark, with just enough light to read by, or listening to the recording of the meditation. It makes use of the healing power of dark. So many of us on a spiritual path unilaterally invoke the healing power of light but darkness, too, has a place in healing work.
The first time I presented to a group the use of darkness as a healing force, synchronicity orchestrated a brief meeting and conversation with a nationally-known healer just minutes before my class. Without mentioning what my class was about, he just started talking about how he often uses darkness in healing work to draw out illness from the body instead of light, especially when he wants to be careful not to amplify a condition. I appreciated the extra bit of validation as I passed this powerful technique on to my class that night!
Meditation
Relax your body and quiet your thoughts with some deep, slow breaths…. Turn your attention inward and let your sense of identification shift from the small self of your personality and body to your spiritual Higher Self. Imagine yourself as more than your body, thoughts, emotions and personal history. Recognize yourself as a wise and timeless spiritual being….
Picture, now, the Higher Selves of other students in this program joining you. We’ve all gathered in the spiritual realm, beyond the illusionary limits of space and time, with a healing mission. Together we form a powerful circle for spiritual work. First you see those who are currently in this program and then, because in the spiritual realm time is an illusion, you also sense the presence of all the souls who have in the past and will in the future come to this circle created by our intent. Recognize how much stronger we are together than separately. It’s not necessary that we ever meet face to face. Our joined intentions are enough to quicken our growth, awaken our intuition and amplify our healing power. What has seemed difficult in the past will come more easily now. Take a moment to feel the energy of the circle building….
Bring to mind the important “points of darkness” you experienced this last year: the very worst of times, the biggest catastrophes, the deepest despair, the times you most want to forget….
As you recall these moments, notice the feelings these memories evoke. We tend to suppress, ignore, or medicate pain out of existence in much the same way we artificially cover darkness with light. Unfortunately, all these pain-coping methods don’t make pain go away; they just drive it underground until it eventually grows too big to ignore. So instead of sending one more bit of pain to the dark, crowded storage locker of your psyche, this time simply be with it.
Notice how it feels in your body. Is it a sinking feeling in your gut? An empty place in your heart? A cloud of confusion around your head? A lump in your throat? A tense, armored feeling in your muscles? A clenched feeling in your jaw or fists? A fearfulness in your bowels? Instead of turning away from these raw places, this time give them your full attention. Notice the sensation of the feeling in your body and relax into it. Stop struggling. Stop thinking, stop trying to move on or make it go away.
“Let the flesh soften, so that nothing holds on to the pain.
Ligaments soften. Muscles soften.
Don’t push the pain away. Just let it be there.
Allow the body to soften all about it. To open.
Let it just be as it is.
Don’t hold it. Don’t resist. Just open softness.
Let the pain be felt in the body.
Let the sensation be felt in the vastness of awareness.”
Also let go of familiar interpretations and judgments you have around these feelings: “My sadness is bottomless. If I truly feel it, I’ll just fall deeper and deeper until I drown.” Or “My anger is wrong. I shouldn’t have it. It will hurt someone.” Tell yourself instead that as you stop resisting feeling, pain stops being pain and becomes something usable, something healing. Go deeply enough into these dark parts of yourself until you feel your resistance letting go, struggle being replaced by surrender; tension turning into relaxation; fear giving way to an awareness that there is nothing to fear.
You don’t need to do anything about your feelings right now. There’s nothing to solve or resolve; nothing to decide or change; no words to speak or action to take. Just let the burden of action be lifted from you and trust that right action will come in time.
Now, imagine yourself in total darkness. Most of us can recall middle of the night anxieties, where we lay awake in bed, in the dark, and our whole world looked dismal and dangerous in a way it seldom does during the day. The darkness to imagine now is a different one altogether (or perhaps the same, but we are different). This darkness is healing.
Imagine darkness around you like sheltering earth around a seed. Instead of imagining light pouring into the wounded places of your soul, imagine darkness, like a mother, drawing out of you the pain, doubt, worry, resentment, confusion and fear that interfere with peace. Feel it absorbing into itself the thoughts, memories, and patterns that keep you from being your true self. Let the dark take back to itself all the darkness in you so there’s nothing left but light—the light that needs no artificial or external inducement; the Inner Light that has always been there. Feel yourself in this dark like a caterpillar in its chrysalis, safe and sheltered while a miraculous flurry of transformation is quietly underway.
Reflect again on those moments of darkness that have occurred in your life this year and now, instead of feeling the pain, ask them to show you their hidden blessing. How have you deepened, strengthened, changed direction, reached out to others or cared more deeply for yourself? How have you learned compassion, acceptance, or forgiveness? Or gained clarity, broken down barriers, found your tenderness, released stubbornness and ego, or allowed others to help you? How has your very definition of who you are changed? Give thanks for the power of darkness to polish, facet, and bring out the natural brilliance of your heart.
Now, look beyond yourself to the points of darkness you’ve seen in the world around you. Where have you felt the most troubled by the state of world events or by the personal pain of people you know? What has caused you the most concern and despair? Look deeply into the heart of these situations until you discover how they have changed you, changed those involved, or changed our world in ways that ultimately will hold light.
Exercise II: Rewriting Your Personal Mythology
Write the story of all the blessings and gifts that have come to you as a result of your points of darkness this year. Write as though you believe this to be true (even if you don’t). Putting this story into words will help affirm its truth, which will draw more blessings into your life and fewer “points of darkness.”
Even more powerful than writing is speaking about it to others. Consider sharing with at least one other person the story of finding great blessing and light in this year’s points of darkness. Let the power of your spoken word transform your personal mythology from despair and defeat into powerful stories of healing and resurrection.