Thanksgiving Week of November: Quality over Quantity

Our work this week is an exercise in not doing, and a discovery of less as more. The challenge is to let go of words and actions that fill space in a less than sacred way so that quality can fill the void.

Exercise

This week, be impeccably aware of your words and speak only words that create quality. Pay attention to how you fill your space with words. Every word is creative. For one week, commit to using only words that create the life and the world that you wish to inhabit. Specifically:

Tell no lies.
Speak no words that portray yourself as a helpless victim of circumstances beyond your control.
Let go of the word “try,” unless you truly mean to describe an ineffectual exertion of energy.
Avoid unkind gossip about someone who’s not present.
Let go of your attachment to being right and to using your words to “win” at the expense of someone else losing.
Let your space naturally fill with words of gratitude and kindness.

Conscious Eating

In the United States, this lesson usually falls in the same week as Thanksgiving, the holiday that typically begins a month or more of holiday feasting, so this discussion of quality over quantity wouldn’t be complete without some mention of food. This is often a glorious time of indulging in sentimental comfort foods served only once a year. Yet, in our over-fed and diet-obsessed culture, the season of food can, for many of us, be a time of losing our tenuous hold on sensible eating habits and for using the excuse of holiday celebration to cope with the stress and high emotion that often accompany this time of year by overeating.

If this feels familiar, consider a different approach—an alternative to deprivation or binging involving neither guilt nor denial; one that actually results in more sensorial pleasure than simply eating everything. The key to this approach is in replacing quantity with quality, and autopilot eating habits with an extra measure of attentiveness.

Conscious eating is all about waking up your taste buds to every possible delight so you don’t miss even a second’s worth of enjoyment by falling into unconscious eating habits. It enables you to enjoy your food more while requiring less to feel satisfied.

Binging happens when we’ve stopped paying attention. We may enjoy the first bites but then keep eating to recapture that first moment’s gratification even after the food is no longer delivering. We may eat for reasons other than hunger: to fill an emotional void or to stuff painful feelings down. Binging also happens when we’ve developed such a long-term habit of restrictive dieting that one bite over our food plan sends us into an out-of-control eating frenzy where we consume enough to hold us through the long drought of deprivation that invariably follows “cheating.”

This holiday plan calls for putting down the whip of guilt and discipline and easing up on food restrictions, while simultaneously paying more attention to the whole experience of appetite, craving, and satiation. It entails eating exactly what you want, exactly when you want, thinking of all foods as equally “good.” This isn’t permission to binge. Rather, it’s a challenge to go out of your way to feed yourself exactly what you really want, even when eating what’s readily available would be easier. It’s about treating yourself to what will give the greatest possible eating pleasure instead of “treating” yourself with whatever great quantities of sugar and fat cross your path.

This approach isn’t for everyone (and please don’t substitute my suggestions for your doctor’s counsel or for an eating plan that’s working well for you), but if it’s appealing to you, consider devoting the holiday season to making every eating experience a conscious one where you eliminate as many distractions as possible—like TV, reading material, and eating on the run—in order to savor every bite.

Make eating a meditation: before you put anything in your mouth, become quiet and relaxed, take several deep breaths, and say to yourself, “Everything I eat turns to health and beauty.” You can do this even at the holiday table with family and friends—especially with family, where the temptation may be strong to stuff down childhood feelings with another serving of mashed potatoes. Disconnecting a bit inwardly and focusing on the food, your body, your nourishment and your pleasure can help break the knee-jerk, stuffing-family-feelings-with-food habit.

As you take a moment to be with your food before you consume it, picture it being easily assimilated by your body and turning into health and beauty. Eat slowly, paying attention as you chew and swallow. Stop the minute you feel the first sensation of fullness. If you’re full but can’t stand the thought of leaving all that yummy food on your plate, ask for a doggie bag.

After eating, sit quietly for a moment, relax and take some deep breaths. Imagine a feeling of comfortable fullness and lightness in your body. Imagine that your stomach is filled not just with food, but with peace and well-being that radiates soothing sensations throughout your body.

Don’t eat again until you feel the first sensation of hunger. Then eat immediately, but only until you feel the first sensation of fullness. Pay attention as you eat, chew well, and really notice how food feels in your stomach and what the sensation of fullness is like. Every time you feel hunger, ask yourself what food you most crave. Feed yourself the food or foods that are just what you want. You may find yourself craving previously “forbidden” foods at first because enforced restriction can, in and of itself, create cravings for whatever’s been denied, but as you eat consciously in this way you’re likely to find yourself satisfied with much less. And, as you eat consciously but not restrictively, you may also be surprised by your cravings becoming more and more balanced. I once saw a perpetually dieting and vegetable-phobic woman, who equated greens with cruel punishment, astonish herself by craving salad after just three days of giving herself permission to eat whatever she wanted.

If you’re tempted to binge, create a healing ritual around eating one of your favorite foods. Set the table, light candles and eat consciously, savoring each bite. Imagine the food having marvelous healing powers that are making you healthier and more beautiful. Continue eating this way until you feel the first sensation of fullness. (Again, you’ll probably find yourself eating less and enjoying it more.) End by giving thanks for your healing food.

If you do catch yourself eating unconsciously, forgive yourself. Notice what the binge is telling you about your emotional needs. Forgive the eating and address the cause. How are you feeling empty, angry, sad, or scared, and what can you do about it? After all, the holidays, with all their frenetic activity, social obligations, and childhood associations, are a prime time for exacerbating emotional eating. As you make a commitment to conscious eating, also make a commitment to self-care. Make a list of other things you can do to nurture and soothe yourself that don’t involve food and give yourself time to do them when the urge to overeat arises. Let conscious eating become just the beginning of a more conscious approach to the holiday season, where the frenzy of it all doesn’t override the spirit of celebration and joy.